live like you have nothing left to lose

I was thinking I wasn’t going to write today because honestly I have nothing in my head today.  But speaking with a friend going through a medical issue, my advice was to live like you have nothing to lose.  I know better than some at the moment what it is like to having nothing left to lose.  A few years ago, I went through a rough time.  I lost my job, my financial stability, and then my marriage.  At the time it looked like a lost my career of 20 years and I had eventually settled for a low paying job just to get by.  And then I made a very hard decision to finally take that leap of faith and step out of the stability of the boat and onto the turbulent waters. I had been in an abusive marriage and I finally gave up on the marriage and got out.  Life shifted for the positive in a way that it couldn’t haven’t been anything but God.  I wondered if all that time God was just waiting for me to get to a point that I was so miserable that I had to leave that marriage and had I left sooner, if things would have been better sooner and all that time I wasted waiting for my husband to get better was wasted timeS. Like many, we have this feeling like we can’t give up, we can’t be quitters, it’s the Christian thing to do to keep toughing out a bad marriage.  I look back on the tidle wave of positive change that occurred when I left the marriage and it truely was the best time of my life so far.  It was an new awakening.  I was confident the bad times or my “Job” moment was passed.  And now, I look at the slow progression down hill since than to this final descent and I know it wasn’t over.  That good period, God was replenishing my soul for the toughest battle of my life so far.  I am in the 10th year of my Job moment.  Maybe minus a year or two that I was nourished and strengthened in the middle.  I honestly have nothing left to lose.  And here this truely is the freeing moment!  I am God’s fully and honestly.  Sure I have debt and other things of this life that could yet be taken away but my physical life is all that I have left to lose and so I chose to give that to God.  And in this moment, I see true clarity.  A process of rebuilding by stripping down.  There’s a song by Jeremy Camp called Empty Me that I suggest as a good listen.  In the context of all the things in life we cannot take with us, these things I have no desire to hold on to.  I learned that lesson when I left my marriage.  There was nothing more freeing than no debt and not much else but clothes, a car for freedom, and my family.  Now I am learning to live without my small children and this is truly a struggle.  I am determined to follow the Empty Me state of mind in this regard as well.  I will fight, but I will not let the evil of this world take me away from the will of God.  I have nothing left to lose and that makes me the most powerful person to do the work of God!  I am hopeful I will change this situation for me and all other parents who have lost their children because they tried to protect them!  Here’s to living like you have nothing left to lose!

God, won’t you fill me with you!  Empty me with that which is not of you!  Protect my children as they walk through this tough time.  Keep them safe.  God speed their return to me.  Amen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s